Wannabe's guide on how to NOT get published in MC... or...

how to risk public flaming by posting about your futile attempts to get your own sorry writing published in MC (because you just voiced your opinion on Dan Walsh's writing skills, or lack thereof, in another thread like a dummy).

So, here I am quite some time back, having a good natured debate with Boehm about Catterson's reasoning for ditching his former  employer, when I, in a roundabout way, hint at my previous flirtations with getting published as a moto-journo (and no, that doesn't mean I wrote a letter to the editor once). Esteemed and admired Editor says, ok, write me a nice road trip piece; if it doesn't suck and I'm in the right mood that day, or if maybe I feel like publishing something just so people on the forum can tell you how much you suck, you might have a shot (I'm paraphrasing of course).

Almost immediately, a life-changing event lands a left hook that I admittedly saw coming, but mis-judged the timing badly. Undeterred, I devise a road trip, ride it, and write a rough draft, but a year ensues before the final draft hits my hard drive. I drop Boehm a line again and say hey, doubt you remember me, yada yada, to which he kindly says, no but go ahead and send the piece, which I do. A few weeks go by, no response; he's a busy guy, no sweat. A few more weeks, maybe he didn't get it, I resubmit... It's been many more weeks now with nothing, and I'm really not even thinking about it much anymore. But, today I discovered the forum.

Not having a clue as to how the big mag business works, I will post on the newly-discovered MC Forum and see if anyone can shed some light. Of course, I'm hoping Boehm (or Catterson at this point), will say, by gosh your email must have gone somewhere in cyberspace and never reached my desk; please send again.

I'm also prepared for someone to say, ummm, yeah, I vaguely remember saying something like this guy is no Dan Walsh just before I deleted your pathetic attempt at journalism and blocked your address from my list of senders. If so, I'm a man, I've been kicked in the berries before, I can take it.

Ok, I know I'm very sarcastic, but seriously, can any of the staff give me some direction here? I know my chances are slim but I'm the kind of guy that doesn't give up easily; so if someone tells me to go away several times and then gets a restraining order, I will usually take the hint... but until then... anyone? I'd even settle for the Sport Rider guys telling me to buzz off.
 

Yeah Boehm and Cat Man...Wut about it. Don't leave this guy hanging. If he sucks he sucks.

Hey tailgunn your not the "Three Generation Iron Butt Ride" guy are you? If so I think you already got your answer.

Good luck.  

Ha; no that's not me. Thanks for the support though. Maybe I should start a petition.  

Tailgun... looks like you were BOEHMBOOZLED!

This is hard for me to share with you but...
I can no longer remain silent, I too was the victim of the
unscrupulous anything goes editorial tactics of the Motorcyclist editors.
Quite a few years back, I was an intern for Mitchy B. Things started off well enough, fetch the Bigman his coffee, fudge his
expense accounts, clean his sweaty leathers, wax that hard to reach area on his muscular lower back... It was everything a young moto-journalist could ask for and I loved every minute.

But, get his lunch order wrong once and he would show his darkside, sure he threw a beating my way a couple of times over screwing up his special sandwich
( liverwurst cut real thick on a poppysead roll with pickles and onions ) but I deserved it.
The missing front teeth and bruises were a necessary reminder that I was lucky to have the opportunity to work my way up in
this business. Every kids dream, a writer for Motorcyclist.

All the good memories aside, things took a turn for the worse when the new guy showed up, a real hotshot journalist from
Buttwater, Texas. His name was Timothy Herbert Walker Carrithers. Blessed with movie star goodlooks and
tall as a cornstalk, charming and talented, Carrithers soon caught the attention of Mitch. Soon Timmy C was fetching the Butcher his sandwich  (rumor was he added sardines and Mitch loved it! ) What a suck-up. My days as Mitch's assistant would be numbered.

Timmy was also as unscrupulous as they come, I was to learn this the hard way. Our first writing assignment together was to be a roadtest of the Ducati ST4 and new ST3 and to go get some barbecue to bring back to Mitch. Things started off okay,
besides oozing charisma Timmy can hold his own in a pair
of tighty whities ( Motorcyclist roadtest budgets only allow for one room, sharing a bunk is unavoidable )  I even got to liking Tim, sure he was hairy, but I dropped my guard and then the unspeakable happened...

Pause, allow me a moment.. uhh hem. Okay lets do this...

I was to awaken three days later in a dusty little town in Mexico.
Drugged and left penniless, Carrithers had sold me to a brothel. No longer an impediment to his success, Tims career took off. Working under the stagename Minimitch, I performed sexy improvisational dances for rich Mexican businessmen. Fortunately I was good at this for I often entertained Boehm and his "male friend" Catterson while they yelled...
"Dance Monkeyboy, dance!"  Good times, back then.

After six long years, performing eight times a day ( ten on Saturdays) I was able to save enough to buy a oneway bus ticket back to the border. Nine truckstops and eleven horney truckers
later I was back home in Ohio.

So Tailgunner... consider yourself one of the lucky ones that got away.

Johnny B  

Yo, Tail,

I feel your pain.  Nothing worse than disappearing into the great email void.  If you write in cyberspace does anyone read you?  Now, you're relegated to message boards.  Good gosh, I'm here myself.  I feel so dirty, so small.

The MC editorial staff has been kind to this rider.  I was stunned when, for the first time, I fired off a letter to them in regards to their "How much is too much?" article last fall and they printed it shortly after.  Wow, I was somebody.  I've been validated.

Just last week I sent another response regarding their "Fast Forward" wayback article about the Honda CBR600.  I'd remembered reading the article Mitch had written about the coming storm in the middle weight class in '87.  He replied.  Manna from heaven.

I also am a frustrated word smith and like you I'll see what promise this message board holds.  I guess I'll have to treat writing and posting like a food fight - hope some of it sticks.

From where do you hail and what's your current mount?  I'm from the Upstate of SC.  The mountains are just a few minutes away and I love to hit the Blue Ridge Parkway and the roads that shunt off it.  BTW - I ride a sport bike: "Buzz off!"  Will you settle for that?    I hope you will because we're posting in the nether regions of publishing and I can't imagine anyone from MC or SR would ever troll these dark waters.  

Wow, I guess I should just take my dose of humiliation, go away quietly and be thankful I've not been forced into labor that would render a man unable to set foot in a strip joint ever again.

I'm near st. louis and I have a 96 VFR street bike and a 93 CBR600 track bike. Plus a friend's harley that I'm purportedly trying to sell for her, but mostly just riding. Never been on the BRP but we have some pretty sweet roads in Missourah. I guess I too will shop my wares elsewhere. I shot for the moon the first time out, maybe I should have set my sights lower. I'll shop around for some net zine possibly.  

'96 is a good iteration of the VFR.  I've had two of the '86 VFR750s.  Loved 'em.  The rumble of the V four was like a race car (talkin' V8 here) if you put the right pipe on it and the whine of the gear-driven cams was a bonus.  The torque spread was seductive and useful at all times.

I'm originally from north of your border, Iowa.  Get up into the northeast corner of the state and the riding gets good.  The best area and a great ride is on State 52.  It borders the Mississippi on the west.  The roads get pretty natty for riding and the views from up on the 300ft. + bluffs and ridge are great (in a Midwest way).

I've been to St. Lou and the Arch as well as  to the Ozarks as a youth.  My grandparents had a cabin there and we'd take time each summer and head out on the waters.  The Ozarks have a rough, almost ocean-like feel to them.  And the fish can be HUGE.

I'm sure that if you ever got to head up to Iowa's State 52 you'd enjoy it.  If you do throttle up there a great place to eat is the Mississippi Queen, a paddle boat that has been converted into a restaurant.  It's just across from Prairie Du Chien, Wisconsin.

It hasn't taken long for me to realize that Motorcycling publications, whether ezine, magazine, wannabezine, whatnot, are a different stripe than many of the other disciplines of media or interests.  I've been a contributer to other sites or venues.  The amount of participation and interaction among "members" is much higher and more frequent.

Example: Fox Sports has a blog site for fans (and they've held writing contests for a desk job for a year WITH remuneration - great payoff).  I've been involved and the feed back is pretty immediate.  And the ongoing threads can last for days with dozens of comments back and forth.  If you want Fox emails you promptly whenever a new comment is made on a thread regardless if you started it with a posting or its from another writer and you've been participating in their thread.  And often the online editors will jump in to fuel things or give feedback.

Here at MC Online, the world is different.  Look at how much traffic any given post generates and then look at the posted comments.  It seems that many of us cyclists are voyuers.  We "live/read" vicariously but don't care to proactively voice ourselves in response to others.  Obviously, the reasons can be myriad but the finally tally validates this observation.

Final word on this note -- it seems that message boards are the cemetary for our elocutions.  It's like CSI Las Vegas -- what's written here dies here.  Most every post is a crime scene... except it's more like a crime unseen.  Maybe we read but we don't respond.  A great thing about Fox Sports blog community: you always got a quick response, even if it was a "you pass more wind than Rossi's M1 at full chat".  Even in disgrace you got validation.

"The best way to disrespect someone it to ignore him".  I can't recall who said that but, if that is a valid and universal maxim then most of our posts here suffer from the Rodney Dangerfield complex.

'Nough said.  I'll fire this off.  I have something else to compose.  Peace.  

I'm originally from North Dakota, not a hill or twisty road to be found. I also lived in Wisconsin for a bit but I wasn't old enough to ride, so I missed out. The Ozarks is a great place to ride. I have a group of buddies that take a weekend trip down there every year.

My Viffer has a TBR full system on it, and yes, it sounds like a small block when it wails.

I have noticed the lack of traffic on this site. I assumed it was due to it being new; don't know how long it's been around. Even the site at the other big zine seems to have more momentum, and it also feels like there is more input/interaction from their Eds.

I got 'hired' by Superbike Planet a couple of years back but nothing came of it. I wrote some piece, some story I completely fabricated off the top of my head and it got Dean's attention, so he gave me a shot but then he never gave me anything to do. I didn't write anything else so I never even got the chance to find out if I sucked or not. Maybe I should branch out into a non-cycle media first. I've seen ads for fledgling periodicals & papers on craigslist, maybe I'll check into one of those.

I appreciate the feedback. Later.